Sharon R. Paavola

Life moments and Book Reviews

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Day 15 of 35

May 17, 2020 by admin 4 Comments

I started a journey, Wednesday, April 8 at 3:00 PM at Mission Valley in San Diego, California, hoping to relieve a darkness that’s clouded my life for decades. I entered with trepidation and doubt. I didn’t know anyone who had traveled through TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation).

My anxiety jumped to an 11 on my drive there and skyrocketed as I walked in the door. Wearing a mask and gloves heightened my fears. I hadn’t left my home since the “shelter in place” orders during the COVID pandemic, other than drive-bys to my daughter’s home. Now I was opening the door to a medical facility which had assured me PPE (Personal Protective Equipment) would be in place.

I checked in and was handed a clipboard with a depression scale test. (Get used to it, Sharon, you’ll fill one out everyday and two on Fridays.) The technician arrived to take me to the treatment room to sit in a big recliner). He prepared the machine ( I don’t really recall what occurred but I do know the psychologist held my hand). Terrified, my mind went back to my Electric Shock Therapy experiences years ago. Assured over and over, this was not the same mechanism as ECT, I relaxed a degree.

Then the psychiatrist walked in to do a technique called mapping. A machine over my brain was set to send signals to my fingers that the technician was noting. This procedure would give them the information to place the pulses correctly on my brain for the next 7 weeks.

After the mapping, my first treatment occurred. It felt like a mini-jack hammer pounding on my head (with ten second breaks) for 20 minutes. Oh, goodness, what have I gotten myself into? Would I be able to endure this day after day for weeks?

The first seven days were a challenge. Relief came over me when each treatment was over. Headaches occurred most days and at night, I would wake up multiple times. I wanted to be positive for my family and friends but I probably caused them more concern. I dreaded going in.

Yet, day eight, the intensity lessened, or was I becoming accustomed to the sensation? It didn’t matter; it was easier.

I could do this!

That’s my experience today, day 15. I have hope in this non-medication therapy for depression to lessen and lighten the dark cloud surrounding me.

Checkin for the next leg of my unusual trek during this crazy pandemic.

My Medication Journey Continues

August 3, 2014 by admin Leave a Comment

Eight days have gone by since one more medication change. The last one caused me to gain 45 pounds almost two years ago. Last Saturday ringing in my ears, “loopiness” – a feeling of being in outer space, not finding the words I wanted to say, and dizziness dominated my inner being. I went to church at 5:00 with Eric and wondered how many people looked at me thinking, “What a lovely woman, so put together!”

God encouraged me during the service. “This, too will pass and you are on your way to new things”, I felt Him lovingly say. My tears flowed as my heart ached.

I do want this to be over. I do want to feel alive again. The medication I have been on has left me exhausted and not being able to wake up until 10 or 11 in the morning. Half of Eric’s (my husband) day is already accomplished by the time I arise.

Maybe this will be the one! My doctor, also wants me to change to a different night time drug. He does his best to comply with my request to be off this horrid medication. He’s found that listening to me is valuable since I’m such a veteran. The new night time med will have to wait though. I have lowered my regular bedtime med and I seem to be sleeping okay and I’m waking up around 7 or 8. Wow, a whole day to be awake!

Well, the trail has rocks, curves, and u-turns, steep climbs and sudden downhills. I am putting one foot ahead of the other to see what is in store for me.

Braver Living

July 29, 2014 by admin 4 Comments

 

Two weeks ago, my son, Matt, 40, sat me down to chat. He lives in Walnut Creek, California and I dwell in San Diego so our opportunities to talk face to face are few. He wanted to know how I was doing, concern etched in his face. Eventually, we arrived at a pointed question, “Mom, when was the last time you were happy with your life? Wow, how do I answer that? After a long pause I proposed that the years I was teaching a large Bible Study at church and caring for my elderly parents simultaneously would be when I was happiest. Of course, he had to ask why? Well, I was using the gifts God gave me. I loved teaching, speaking, and shepherding. I was also needed by my parents in almost every area of their lives. “Okay, Mom so is doing what makes you happy?” I saw where he was going and tried to help him understand that I felt more alive during those years. Yet I knew something was blocking me, now.

Fast forward to today

Only God knew what was headed my way – a divine appointment with a book, two authors, and multiple new friends on Facebook.

I’m now a braver living rebel – a rebel against the 4 P bullies, Procrastination, Perfectionism, Performancism, and People-pleasing. I don’t know where this will take me, but these authors get me. The book is full of pink marker. They know what I am thinking, feeling, craving. The P bullies wreak havoc in my life, my mind, and spirit.

Granted life the last five years have been hard: losing my last parent, a challenging time controlling my lifelong diagnosis of major depression and anxiety, plus dealing with chronic Fibromyalgia pain but I am frozen, paralyzed. Nothing other than myself keeps me from the things that I enjoy, my dreams, and my goals.

I invite you to come along with me on this journey.

Maybe you will relate to my struggles, my discoveries, and my hope? Maybe you seek encouragement on your path? Do you procrastinate, people please, perform for approval, crave to be perfect but fail?

I want to introduce you to The Cure for the “Perfect” Life written by Kathi Lipp and Cheri Gregory, two very brave women!

A book

Here are links to where you can buy the book and also receive the first chapter free:

Website Link: http://www.TheCureForThePerfectLife.com

FREE download of Chapter 1: http://www.thecurefortheperfectlife.com/downloads/chapter1.pdf

Facebook Page (aka “Braver Living Rebel Headquarters”):
http://www.Facebook.com/TinyActsOfRebellion

Barnes & Noble link (we’d like to support B&N as they’ve been VERY supportive to us!)
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-cure-for-the-perfect-life-kathi-lipp/1118908688?ean=9780736957007

Amazon link:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Cure-Perfect-Life-Trying/dp/0736957006

CBD.com link:
http://www.christianbook.com/-perfect-trying-harder-start-living-braver/kathi-lipp/9780736957007/pd/957007

Family Christian link:
http://www.familychristian.com/catalog/product/view/id/270248/

About Me

Sharon's passion to release women from their past, from depression, and from pain so they can move on to hope, freedom, and living in the present drives her to speak, write, and encourage whenever possible. Her openness allows women to identify with her own life experiences yet see where they, too can conquer their battles. She is devoted to her home life with husband, Eric and 2 Bichon mixes, PIerre and Stewart. She and Eric have 3 grown children and live in the San Diego, California area.

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